badpirattitude | A Primer on Human Culture

A Primer on Human Culture

[Dualscar arrives at Dave's apartment only a half hour late. Showing up on time indicates eagerness, and he's not about to do that, but longer than half an hour indicates that he doesn't care, and he doesn't want to do that either. The simple fact is, he's kind of looking forward to this meeting, to just hanging out with Dave, who has promised to teach him more about humans and their culture, and although he'd never admit it, he doesn't want to blow this.]

[He even put on a clean cape, okay? This is Important.]

[With a gruff clearing of his throat, he knocks briskly on Dave's door.]

Hey, cool kid! Open up!

[Just because it's Important doesn't mean he's not going to be an ass, though.]

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[That term is hilarious coming from Dualscar-- it really is. Dave can just tell he means it as two separate words, too. Cool. Kid. He's not like Terezi who made them conjoined twins, both working together to describe a single, unerringly awesome entity. Nah, for Dualscar they're all separate and equal. Cool. Kid.

And the weird thing is Dave likes his voice-- finds Findaddy's ramblings all soothing and shit. Quite frankly, he likes this troll more than he really wants to explain to himself. It just sort of happened. An organic experience.

Maybe it's daddy issues.

Maybe it's that human emotion known as friendship.

Maybe it's Maybelline.

He makes Dualscar wait the momentary version of a half hour-- thirty full seconds-- before he's flipping the lock and opening up his door. Nigh on instantaneously, the Knight slouches against the doorframe.]

'Sup?

[And of course, Dualscar expects that little wait before the door opens and Dave appears. Look at that kid, slouching around like royalty or something... and Dualscar would know, being royal himself.]

[He tilts his head, looking at the human with half-lidded eyes, before raising one eyebrow.]

I understand you've got some reading material for me?

[Dave says nothing and Dualscar doesn't get to know where his gaze is at when his head is tilted at that soft angle and his body language (and shades) offers no hints. He might be looking him over, might be staring him dead in the eyes, or-- who knows-- he may be falling asleep. It's been a long week.]

Mm. Yeah. C'mon in.

[Finally the kid steps back, holding the door open with one foot and gesturing with his opposite hand for Dualscar to make his grand entrance.]

[Oh, and Dualscar does make a grand entrance, have no doubt about that! He saunters into Dave's apartment, his cape billowing dramatically behind him, completely unbothered by that drawn-out, pregnant pause before Dave allowed him entry. He's used to the way the cool kid acts, likes he's so far above everything; again, it's very royal, and Dualscar appreciates it.]

You should feel honored. You're the only human wwho has ever convinced me to read anything about your foolish culture.

[That's not entirely true. Dualscar has read a few things about human military tactics, and devoured "Rise and Fall of the Third Reich" in fascination, but this will be the first time he's read anything fictional.]

Edited 2012-01-10 05:18 (UTC)

[The door gets shut behind Dualscar, then locked because who knows what other beasties ~~or desperate stalkers~~ will try to gain entry if Dave doesn't take the precaution. Dave steps right by Mr. Foptasm, heading to the nightstand by his almost-made bed that's full to bursting with comics. DC, Marvel, whatever he could get his hands on. Owning any is both ironically nerdy and impossibly cool for it all at once. There is really nothing better than putting on a scarf and walking into a comic store. The contradictions, bor. They'll astound you.

He picks up something Spider-man related and tosses it over his shoulder. Not his favorite hero. He likes Batman more.

Solid guy, Bruce Wayne.]

Let's start you off with the Dark Knight.

[Of course he likes Batman more, Batman is the shit.]

[Dualscar accepts the comic, looking it over seriously.]

Is this some sort of revolutionary material?

[They don't have comics on Alternia, please bear with him!]

Height of technology-- don't rip or bend the pages.

[Dave flips open the cover and the following filler page, pointing at the real panels when they show up. This is a new volume, stark in color on glossy paper. He'd rather not have it marred up by clumsy troll nails when he expects better.]

Read it left to right, okay? If it's like this--

[Point.]

Speech bubble. The things in boxes are narration, the things outside of boxes are sound effects. Any questions?

[Hmmm... well, the main character is wearing a cape. Dualscar approves of that.]

No, I can take it from here.

[Carelessly, he sits on Dave's bed, leaning against the headboard and stretching his legs out in front of him. He does have the presence of mind to kick off his muddy boots before putting his feet up, though.]

Is [he consults the book's cover for the title] Batman a yellowblood?

He's human, Scarface. All red, remember?

[He's found himself a Justice League title and he climbs over Dualscar so he can fit his slim self between troll and wall, assuming a similar position of comfort.]

Ah. Right.

[He knew that.]

[Dualscar holds still as Dave climbs over him and gets settled, then returns to his reading. He doesn't really understand Batman's motivations or why he does what he does, but he can appreciate the violence and cool gadgets. He reads quietly until he's about halfway through the comic, then he jolts, sitting up straight and holding the book tightly with both hands.]

Dave!

SHIT!

[That came out of fucking nowhere and for a second Dave doesn't know if trolls can have heart attacks and that's a bad thing, because what if that is what is happening? But no. Turns out Dualscar is an idiot and is not in any immediate physical danger. The temptation to smack him upside the head is very, very alive within Mr. Strider. He keeps it down.]

What's your damage?

Dave!

[Dualscar turns and stares at the human, his eyes wide and his pupils dilated, putting his purple irises on fine display.]

Batman... and Bruce Wwayne... are the same person!

[.........

Urges are meant to be followed.

KA-WHACK!!! Dave hits Dualscar and doesn't look remotely apologetic.]

Duh. What are you, a-- oh.

[Alien. Right.]

They all have secret identities. That's part of being a super hero.

[Dualscar takes the blow stoically--it's not like Dave can really hurt him, after all--and responds with a cuff of his own up the back of Dave's head. What, that's how this friendly affection thing works, right?]

So all the super heroes pretend to be someone else? Wwhy don't they wwant everyone to knoww wwhat they've done?

[Ow.

Rough!

Dave takes it like a man, however, and only rubs at the spot he was hit very briefly.]

They're workin' outside the law. Don't want the police tracking them down and bringing them to 'justice'. It's complicated.

Oooooh.

[Dualscar nods sagely.]

Don't wwant Legislacerators messing in their business. I got it.

[That little issue cleared up, he returns to the comic.]

Sure.

[A sidelong glance at the finned wonder before Dave returns to a few panels above where he stopped reading. He shifts and squirms himself into a comfortably wedged position. Not to take out his daddy issues or anything, but he and Bro would read comics like this once in a while. Dave always had wallseat. It's comforting. Nostalgic.]

Don't shout next time you got a question.

I wwon't.

[Unless it's a really exciting question or keen observation. Then he makes no promises.]

[Dualscar scoots over a little as Dave moves around, letting the human get settled. Trolls don't cuddle, typically--especially not trolls like Dualscar--but he has no problem sitting next to Dave like this. It's kind of nice, really, almost like hanging out with a lusus, if a lusus could be snarky and share important knowledge about caped crimefighters.]

[Dualscar keeps it together until he finishes with the comic, then he looks over Dave's shoulder at the one he's reading.]

Hey, that one has Batman too!

'S Justice League, though. That means there's a whole group of 'em working together. Like Sburb shenanigans-- which you don't know about. But yeah. A team.

[Dave opens the comic out wider so Dualscar can behold its many wonders. Some battle is going on right now and yeah, there's Bats but also Superman and Wonderwoman fighting alongside him. Some major Lasso of Truth action is happening at the moment. Info being spilled.]

I knoww wwhat a team is.

[Not that he's ever been on one, mind you. But he understands the concept.]

[Dualscar studies the page, unaware that as he leans in to look at it, he's leaning against Dave. Not hard enough to be too heavy or uncomfortable, but definitely a very real presence.]

All the heroes have black hair.

[He glances up at Dave, notably at his shaggy blond locks.]

I thought you said humans had all different hair colors.

[The leaning doesn't bother Dave like it could have. He could have shoved the big lug off and told him he was being a pain in the neck in a far less kind manner. Instead he rolls his shoulders and lets Dualscar assert his shoulder-reading dominance. Not a big deal.]

They do. Look.

[He's flipped a page or two and it's on a crowd scene. His pointer finger lands on a buxom lady in distress with very blonde tresses.]

So humans come in black and yelloww then?

[Dualscar is talking about hair color, honest; he hasn't known enough humans to realize their skin comes in different colors too.]

Dave... are you a superhero on Earth?

[This is a legitimate question!]

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A Primer on Human Culture

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