Prisonstuck VIII, continued from LJ

[badpirattitude]

[For someone who claimed he didn't need to rest, the Psiioniic has been sleeping for a long time.]

[Dualscar supposes a manic episode like he had earlier could really take it out of a troll, not to mention the fight in the prison the day before, and being a prisoner, and before that on the run, and before that a slave, and everything else running backwards through the Psiioniic's entire miserable life. Besides all that, living with him, Dualscar, can't be easy, even if it's only been a day, and he half-expects the Psiioniic to ask him to be returned to the prison when he wakes up.]

[Dualscar hasn't slept at all, not really. He can doze in a recuperacoon, but to really sleep, he needs to be underwater. There's nothing physically preventing him from sleeping on land, but for the mental tick that forces his gills open an hour into sleep and leaves him gasping painfully for breath a moment later. He knows well enough why that happens, but he pushes it away every time it creeps into the corners of his mind, nibbling at the edges of his sanity like a longtailed squeakbeast. Either way, he's still curled around the Psiioniic, spooning up behind him while he sleeps, and waiting for him to awake.]

[Waiting, and thinking about all they spoke of the day before.]


polariity

[What, go back to a prison and away from this glorious library? Dualscar, please. You underestimate the Psiioniic's utter nerdery.]

[You also underestimate his affection for you, but that's okay. In all honesty, he isn't quite sure of its depths either. A part of him that still has reservations about this whole thing- which is a rather large part- isn't sure he wants to know.]

[As awakening comes to him, he's aware of the presence still at his back. It's comforting to have that again- someone being there. All this time around other trolls has left him with this need for someone, anyone, to be there.]

[Gently, just to show he's awake, he guides one hand down to lay over Dualscar's.]


badpirattitude

[Either that or he underestimates his own appeal. Dualscar knows he's good at blackrom, but anything even faintly red and he's completely lost. He's spent most of the time while the Psiioniic slept convincing himself that he's irreparably screwed up everything.]

[But then the Psiioniic puts his hand over his, and Dualscar makes a soft, surprised sound. Before he can overthink it, he curls his fingers through the Psiioniic's, joining their hands together.]


polariity

[Funny, sounds like every other moment of his life, too.]

[As the slime warms around their fingers, faintly, he wonders what this makes them. He half knows, half doesn't. They've never said anything to one another about it, just awkward steps with neither of them knowing the way.]

You're alright?

Comments

[polariity]

<sub>[Silence.]

[After a moment, his hand slowly slips from Dualscar's arm and he folds them loosely on his own lap. He finds his words a few seconds after.]</sub>

They uthed to tell thtorieth of what they did to telekineticsth. Older trollth, thometimeth, or otherth our age. Ever thince I wath thmall. Get caught for a highblood, or worth, get 'drafted' into the fleet. Become a Helmthman.

...Thothe were alwayth the wortht taleth. Helmthmen thtorieth. They terrified me. [They still do.]

Tho I'd lie. Fake I wath a weaker telekinetic than I really wath, made mythelf worth a little leth in their eyeth.

The headacheth helped. I'd get them from trying to hold it in- or even if I wathn't. Added to the act. If I thtarted to uthe them ath if I had retherveth to thpare, they would have gotten wary, would have invethtigated more. They would have found out about me.

Tho I lived like that. Thcared and paranoid for motht of my life, trying to keep it a thecret. [His fists clench over one another.] ...I did a lot of thingth back then I'm not proud of.

[badpirattitude]

[It figures. Helmsman stories. No wonder he'd kept his talents hidden, had tried not to stand out, had tried to blend in and be just another slave. Especially considering what waits for him, as soon as the battleship Condescenscion makes its way back to Alternia.]

[Dualscar has never visited a slave labor factory; he got enough of slave ships and what happens in them as a wiggler to satisfy his needs for the rest of his life. But he can understand that fear, that paranoia, probably better than the Psiioniic realizes.]

I'm sorry.

[And this time he doesn't pause when he drops his free hand and folds it around the Psiioniic's.]

[polariity]

_{[His knuckles twitch, but he doesn't jerk his hand away. There's just one long quiet sigh.]}

...And that ith why I will do anything for him.

He took me from that. I would be dead or commissioned by now if not for him.

[badpirattitude]

[And wwhere wwas he wwhen I needed him?]

[Dualscar thinks it, but manages to keep his mouth closed. Instead, he awkwardly runs his thumb over the tops of the Psiioniic's knuckles.]

Speaking of wwhich... wwhat can I do to help the cause?

[polariity]

For now?

Jutht keep them alive. Ruin the thearch effortsth. Thingth like that. That'sth all they need.

[badpirattitude]

[Dualscar nods, his forehead rubbing against the Psiioniic's.]

I can do that.

[He chuffs laughter then, quiet and bitter.]

No one expects me to succeed anywway.

[polariity]

That ith becauthe ninety perthent of the people from Alternia are thome meathure of athholeth, and I count mythelf in that perthentage, too, tho they can go and thut their face holeth.

_{[With a shift, he begins to move his face against Dualscar's a bit more purposefully, with their noses nuzzling.]}

[badpirattitude]

[Dualscar starts a little when the Psiioniic starts rubbing his face against his, but quickly figures out it is just more of that strange, not-hurting touching, and as silly as it seems, it actually feels kind of good. He tilts his head back and forth, his nose bumping against the Psiioniic's.]

Ninety percent? Not one to question your numbers, but that seems a little loww.

[He takes a step closer, his hip bones touching the edge of the table, his chest almost against the Psiioniic's now. The hand that isn't on the other troll's face drops, and he grips the edge of the table.]

[polariity]

[The good thing about drones is that they will never judge two adult trolls on the opposite ends of the spectrum when they decide that now is the perfect time to act like little grubs having met for the first time, which means discovering everything with their face. No judgement, maybe just a little bit of staring, but drones always do that.]

Ninety two, then? Ninety four?

[badpirattitude]

[Oh, the drones will enjoy the show, don't even lie.]

Still seems loww.

[Dualscar rubs the tip of his nose against the Psiioniic's cheek, and that puts his lips in dangerously close proximity to the other troll's. They're within easy... kissing distance, but he's still so new to kissing that he isn't sure how to initiate one. Shyly, he ducks in, the corner of his mouth touching the corner of the Psiioniic's for a fraction of a second before he pulls back again.]

[There. Was that a kiss? Did he do it right?]

[He grips the table harder with his other hand, his knuckles standing out white on his gray skin.]

[polariity]

_{[Not as much as they're apparently enjoying acting it out. Psii chuckles a little bit.]}

Ninethy thix or ninety eight? That'sth ath high ath I'm...

<sub>[...Oh. Welp.]

[He pauses at the so brief contact to his lips, blinking in surprise before he simply smiles and leans in as well. Let him show you how it's done, Dualscar. A soft kiss to his jaw, then another to the corner of his mouth, and finally, very carefully and gently, the Psiioniic lays a chaste kiss right on the mark.]</sub>

[badpirattitude]

[Oh.]

[Oh.]

[So that's how it's done. Dualscar feels like he wasn't too far off, and this... this is so weird, but it's also nice, and his heart shouldn't be pounding the way it is, trying to thunder out of his chest, not from something this simple and... sweet. Yes, this is sweet, isn't it? Just kind of nice and sweet and not painful, and he presses forward, probably a little too aggressively, but dammit, he wants to be closer to the Psiioniic now, he wants to be touching him, and he was never any good at controlling his impulses.]

[polariity]

_{[Another chuckle against Dualscar's lips. The other is right between his legs by this point, and the Psiioniic curls one leg around the seadweller's rear to keep him there. He kisses him a bit stronger and can't help but think of something similar happening in that prison cell, and it makes his spine shiver. Lacing his fingers together with Dualscar, he uses his now free one to wrap around the other's neck.]}

[badpirattitude]

[The Psiioniic isn't the only one being reminded of the prison cell, and a shudder wracks through Dualscar's entire body, and with a low, quiet groan... he pulls away.]

S-stop... wwait, hold on... fuck!

[polariity]

<sub>[S I G FUCKING H.]

[Unhooking his leg but keeping his hand right where it is, the Psiioniic leans back on the table and resists the urge to get snappy. He knows the other can't help it.]</sub>

Waiting and holding on. We're on our own now. Ith it the droneth?

ha ha, I lied, one more

[badpirattitude]

Huh? Drones?

[Dualscar looks around, and sure enough, they're being stared at by a pair of drones.]

Get out of here!

[The drones scramble over each other getting out of the kitchen, and Dualscar leans his head forward, resting it on the Psiioniic's shoulder.]

No, it's not that. It's...

[He takes a deep, shuddering sigh.]

You can't... you can't let me be in control. If I'm in control, I'm... I'll hurt you. I wwon't wwant to, but I wwill.

[Dualscar makes a high-pitched, strangling noise that is part laughter, part whale sound, and part sob.]

I don't knoww howw to do this wwithout hurting you!

You would do this while I was at the doctor's weh

[polariity]

[That sound nearly kills him. It just about spears his heart right through his chest and makes him ache. How broken do you have to be when all those jagged edges of yours can't even let you touch another? The Psiioniic just holds on tighter and presses their heads together. Gently, their horns bump.]

Quiet, now, quiet. It'sth alright if you heart me now and then, you'll get uthed to it. Thooner or later. Everything will be okay. [Say it often enough. Might come true.] I'll thow you, I'll teach you. Quiet now, love.

[They can actually get this far and mean that little nickname honestly. How things change.]

We won't do it in here. Alright?

I promptly passed out for many hours after writing that tag, so it's all good

[badpirattitude]

[It's not that Dualscar can't touch him; he can touch him just fine, he proved that back in the prison cell. It's that he can't trust himself to keep up with this soft, gentle touching, this kind where there is no intention to cause harm or injury. The more aroused he gets, the more he will want to slip back into old habits, into old ways, and he's afraid he'll hurt the Psiioniic again.]

[All he knows is blackrom, and he can't trust himself to not resort to it.]

[He stiffens at that nickname, and shakes his head, making that strangling, choking sound again, although now it's less laughter and more sob.]

Don't call me that. Please... don't ever, ever call me that...

[polariity]

Quiet. Quiet now.

[It's all that he can really say, and he continues to stroke Dualscar. God, they are amongst the most fucked up pair of trolls in all of Alternia conquered land, aren't they? A bipolar idiot with self esteem issues and a seadweller who's terrified of ruining something as simple as kissing.]

[The Psiioniic continues to make the same soft noises, old noises he remembers his own lusus making when he was young and screaming because the voices wouldn't stop, they never stopped and there was too much energy and he didn't know what to do. It probably isn't the same for a seadweller, but still. Technicalities.]

Let'sth jutht move, alright? Come on now, 22, let'sth go back to the library.

[badpirattitude]

[The soft, soothing noises actually help. Dualscar's lusus tended to make sounds that were more felt than heard, but these are nice too, and he leans into the Psiioniic's hand, his breathing rough and jarring.]

... okay. Yeah... let's go there, to the library...

[The library is actually the one place in the hive Dualscar hasn't pailed in before; he was always too worried about something getting destroyed to take any of his conquests there. Reluctantly, he pulls away from the Psiioniic, dropping both his hands to his sides and looking at the floor.]

[polariity]

[NOPE]

[That is to say, no dropping of the hands. The awkwardness is simply unavoidable, probably, so there's no helping that. But he won't let this be... distant. He's had enough of that in his life, even when it comes to something that's supposed to be as intimate as this. So the Psiioniic reaches down, entwining their fingers once again as he brings up one of Dualscar's hands up to his face.]

[Perhaps pointedly, even, he makes sure to kiss each one of his fingers. Twice. For good measure and not his own compulsions, really.]

[Then he slides off of the table and begins to pull Dualscar along.]

[badpirattitude]

[What is it with the Psiioniic and Dualscar's hands, anyway? The seatroll is starting to wonder if the mage has a hand fetish to go along with his apparent sexual attraction to oranges.]

[He lets himself be led, though, docily following along as the other troll guides him to the library. He is in no way surprised that the Psiioniic finds the room with no trouble at all.]

[polariity]

[He is a troll of simple needs, alright. And if those needs include a rather obsessive amount of oranges, Dualscar's hands, and freedom, don't judge.]

[And of course he finds the room easily. No one expected otherwise.]

[The room is still as beautiful as ever, simply elegant and quiet. The Psiioniic had gone as fast as he could before, still holding onto Dualscar's hand, but not any longer. This time, he keeps his steps quiet and slow, thumb rubbing over his partner's knuckles. When he finally comes to that patch of moonslight and desks, he nearly feels his heart split and leave him. The two moons are situated in a way that splits their light into the area, dual purple and gold. The duality makes his head spin so much in pleasantness, he doesn't even think too hard about the other meaning those colors now hold.]

[Instead, he pulls Dualscar along a bit further before he sinks down to the ground. He looks up at Dualscar expectantly, still holding onto his hand.]

[badpirattitude]

[Dualscar can grant the Psiioniic two of those three things. The third... well, let's not think about the third.]

[He loves the library the best when it's like this, cool and quiet and beautiful, with the light from both moons pouring in through the skylights. He does, however, notice that it's both purple and golden light twined together, and that makes him catch his breath in his throat, his fins blushing out to their tips.]

[Then the Psiioniic is sitting down, and at first Dualscar thinks his legs have gone out from under him or something, but he looks far too pleased with himself to have just collapsed. Awkwardly, Dualscar folds his legs underneath him and sits down too, sitting with crossed legs and facing the other troll.]

Noww wwhat?

[polariity]

What do you think?

[Wait, don't answer that.]

[The Psiioniic crawls closer to Dualscar until he's nearly on his lap. He runs his hands over those broad shoulders and firm chest before he very quietly begins to strip him. There's no rush to it. It's careful and gentle, and each bit of skin that is revealed has him touching it softly in wondrous curiosity. At this rate, it may take a very long time for just Dualscar to be undressed.]